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B. Dolan
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Kate
(b. dolan)
I know myself, Even better than jesus does.
I stole from churches. I owe god money.
there was a girl with no gag reflex and a summer with no idea stealing to buy drugs with katie who needed her smoke so much more than the pope needed another painting in the vatican days in the warehouse waiting katie and the baby and katie on my lunch break alone us just wanting to be alone her nature versus nurture she was wild; she was like a berserker fairy breath sweetened with nicotine tar intention tension and touching behind backs, whispers in the house, excuses for the dark hands for flesh and the most realest despair in the wide wide universe her parents were always home and never around like her live in addict, accidental baby daddy: his name was adrian he used to stab himself in the leg with darts for attention one day during an argument, he backed his truck up down the street, then drove it at full speed into a tree in front of their house i used to watch it all go down and want her i used to feed the baby and try to come down i was 18, she was 17, i was into drugs, she was in love it was all all about me as always she heard my first slam poem.
all summer we went to cemeteries to smoke that's where i learned to open the box in my throat sang the blues all over but mostly in cemeteries all life lived in me, i brought it to katie and katie brought life at 17. 17. 17. she loved ice coffee she loved me she loved her daughter she loved her stories she loved everything & wanted only to love i made her write it in a journal
and why is it that when i wanted girls to inspire themselves and come alive and write their fire into books and bleed like this for themselves and be healed like i got it see? it's not hard and its good and you can do it more did you yes good why is it that they never did until i kissed them
and then they would write things about me which is not what i wanted but was fun, and suddenly fed me so i forgot where i was which was in the pages being tattooed down waiting to be turned over making the mistake, feeling her in the dark, the shock of her smell the strength of her hold, like girls forget how to do when they get older 17 she had a grip like her baby.
was she 13 or 14 when one of the falco brothers laced a joint with PCP her and her cousin katie couldn't move 更多更详尽歌词 在 ※ Mojim.com 魔镜歌词网 while he raped her her cousin couldn't move while she watched.
for god's sake, for the love of all time, in this life and the next, from heaven and hell by any power that exists, by every force of compulsion in the universe; god-FUCK the falco brothers, god hate them, and destroy them before anything like justice can ever exist the motherfuckers who gave me my first punch in the face who leered like the jackals of chaos over the beds of everything good this is human cancer, living in the shadows of a ghost town demanding innocence of off people like lunchmoney! later raped it off them! jumped it off them! stripped it off them! stole it from them! multiplied and thrived til another generation of sweet smithfield girls was gone! gone into the paths in the woods! gone into whatever trailor held the grand nightmare of life that night JESUS CHRIST! SMITHFIELD SCREAMS TO ME LIKE AN OPEN MOUTH, BLACK MUD WITH RUSTED IRON GUMS AND GRINDING GEARS FOR TEETH IN MY DREAMS! HANTON CITY THE MONSTER OF TIME! HEAVY FIST OF THE ALCOHOLIC DEATH-GOD BLOATED WITH THE BLOOD OF MY FATHER! STILL HOLDING HIM IN ITS JAWS! GRINNING LIKE A FALCO AT ALL THE BODIES IN ITS BASEMENT MURDER! MURDER! SO MANY GIRLS WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE PARENTS WAS EVERYONE INSANE? THE KIDS THE KIDS THE KIDS // ALL AROUND ME GETTING LAID TO WASTE JIMMY TO LONELINESS AND HIS MOTHER'S MESS THOMAS TO LIES AND PRESSURE JOHN TO SOME IDIOT CHURCH! JOHN TO LEUKEMIA DOMINIC PULLED AWAY FROM US BY DIVORCE MONEY AND CONTEMPT! MIKE, MIKE MIKE, WITH NO EXCUSE MIKE WITH NO MERCY MIKE MY BEST FRIEND MIKE TO BUTLER HOSPITAL, TO BUTLER TO BUTLER TO ME TO BUTLER TO PILLS. TO PILLS TO PILLS TO ME TO DEAD MUSICIANS DEAD HANDS BIG BROTHER THE SERIOUS “FUCK YOU!” FROM THE SKY THE INEVITIBILITY AND THE SIMPLE SURENESS THAT LIFE DOESN'T WANT YOU WILL BREAK YOU SOON, AND IS MUCH TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO EVEN TRY MIKE THE INEXPLICABLE, PERFECT AND ETERNAL failure.
who lives to this day… i think. i have seen him this year.
i know that katie lives too. i know that rena lives with her i pray that adrian is gone and that rena was never old enough to remember him i know that rena was never old enough to remember me i hope she has seen a picture of me holding her i have a picture of her in my wallet last month, for a couple weeks i forgot the name of the baby in my wallet the babies name is rena i know that i will love them both until i die.
i went back to college and dropped out katie went back to figuring this thing out but was missing me i forgot to miss her for awhile now things are slower i know katie doesn't fuck with drugs anymore i know i mostly don't either im sorry for everything but also not at all i hope all things for them jimmy, thomas, john & john paul dominic, mike, kate rena.
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